Two things

Laying in bed at night,

I know two things:

I know how to let go and turn away from the crazy thoughts in my mind as they arise,

and then I know how to turn to the presence-awareness of the immediate Now moment.

In other words

I know how to turn away from sin,

and I know how to turn to the Holy Spirit abiding in our innermost being.

I know how to repent (turn away, turn around)

and I how to immediately see that the kingdom of God is at hand.

If I can know this while laying in bed at night trying to fall asleep,

I can know it during the day, any time I choose or remember to.

And the bible says:

The kingdom of God is at hand.

The kingdom of God is within you.

You are a temple of the Holy Spirit who is within you.

From your innermost being shall flow rivers of living water.

Laying in bed at night,

I know two things:

I know how to let go and turn away from the crazy thoughts as they each arise,

(though I don't know how to stop the next thought from arising,)

and I know how to turn and rest in the immediate presence-awareness of 

the constant Now moment, formless and still.

And this then seems to slow down the flow of the arising thoughts and images, 

just by recognizing this immediate presence-awareness of 

the constant Now moment, formless and still,

and by recognizing that this is our true position, what we are, what's looking at 

the flow of the arising thoughts and images,

and by discerning between the two, and taking our true stand, resting and 

abiding as what we are - the formless present Now-ness of what's looking.

I AM THAT I AM, God told Moses.

What's looking is what you're looking for, said St. Francis of Assisi.

Number one priority: Know thyself

What do I want most?    
To know who/what I really am,
to know my true Being, the true Self.

If we don't know that, then everything else is meaningless.

Imagine a crazy man, who thinks he is a chicken.
He may be a billionaire, but it means nothing to him,
being resigned to scratch around his chicken coop eating bird seed.

Our true wealth may be too great to imagine.


        Mark 8:36-37:
          What does it profit a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul? 
          Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?

        John 3:7:
           You must be born again.

        Exodus 3:14:
           I AM THAT I AM.

-----

Are you sure about that?
You must be thoroughly convinced that you are not really who you 
think you are, especially if finding out who you REALLY are 
is supposedly your number one priority.

Do you honestly feel that baffled about who/what you really are?

Settle in on the basic facts of your own experience.
You know intuitively that "what-you-are"  IS  "what's looking".
This "what's looking"  is your innermost being, whatever that is.
You may feel it in your gut, in your bones.  
But WHAT that is, is hard to say.  It's awareness itself, but what is 
awareness? It seems invisible, formless, non-locatable exactly.
That is the mystery -- what is this awareness.
And maybe it's okay not to know, maybe it's okay that it is an utter mystery.
It's still here, as plain as day.  It's still what-we-are, what's looking.

-----

So based on your own basic intuition and investigation,
you may know and accept beyond a doubt that what-you-are 
is "what's looking", or awareness itself, as your innermost being.

But there is usually the added assumption that this light of awareness 
"comes from" someplace limited to your body or brain.
And there usually doesn't seem to be any reason 
to doubt that or to assume otherwise.
It seems obvious, since all you are ever aware OF 
is from the perspective of your body.

This is the crux of the matter -- where this light of awareness 
really "comes from", what is its source.
It seems so obvious for so long that it must be coming from your body/brain,
that to consider any other possibility seems patently absurd and ridiculous.

But upon honest, open investigation, you may notice that your awareness itself 
does have a formless non-locatable quality about it.
That may be enough of a spark of curiosity to interest you in continuing 
investigation into this plain light of awareness itself and where it is 
coming from.  This is a form of meditation, or self-enquiry.

This is where the seeds of doubt may be sown, 
to at least slightly doubt that your awareness is really "coming from" your body, 
and to be honestly open-minded to the possibility of discovering a
deeper truth about where it's really coming from and about who-you-are.

-----

So what does it matter?  Why bother?

Does a corrected understanding of "what-you-are" really change anything?

Yes and no.

Motivational promises:

        From your innermost being shall flow rivers of living water.

        Peace.  Bliss.  Perfect contentment.  Absolute happiness.  

        Stillness.

Some things Nisargadatta said:

You cannot be conscious of what does not change.  

All consciousness is consciousness of change.  

Changes are inevitable in the changeful, but you are not subject to them.  

You are the changeless background, against which changes are perceived.

Realize that whatever you think yourself to be is just a stream of events; 

that while all happens, comes and goes, you alone are, 

the changeless among the changeful, the self-evident among the inferred.  

Separate the observed from the observer and abandon false identifications.  

There must be some constant factor bridging the gaps in consciousness.  

If you watch carefully, you will find that even your daily consciousness 

is in flashes, with gaps intervening all the time.  What is in the gaps?  

What can there be but your real being, that is timeless?  

The succession of transient moments creates the illusion of time, 

but the timeless reality of pure being is not in movement, 

for all movement requires a motionless background.  It is itself the background.  

Once you have found it in yourself, you know 
that you had never lost that independent being.  

What changes is not real, what is real does not change. 

Now, what is it in you that does not change?  

It is a matter of actual experience that the Self has being independent of mind and body.  

It is being-awareness-bliss.  Awareness of being is bliss.

You must realize yourself as the immovable behind and beyond the movable, 

the silent witness of all that happens.  

Effortless Awareness

You know what it means to see a bird, 
or to hear a train whistle, 
or to feel a hand touch your arm.

You know the difference between seeing a bird
and thinking about seeing a bird.
Look at the "seeing" itself, without thinking.
Notice how "seeing" happens effortlessly and immediately,
without the need of thinking or reasoning about it.

The same with awareness.  Notice the difference
between awareness and thinking about awareness,
and how awareness happens effortlessly and immediately,
without having to think about it.
With any thing that arises in the field of awareness,
notice the "seeing" of it, the "seeing" itself.

Now, whose "seeing" is it?  Is it "your" seeing?  
Or is it just "seeing"?  You may sense that there is 
immediate consciousness of the object, but that it 
is not "your" consciousness until you think about it.  
See if it is so.  I'm suggesting that consciousness 
is not personal. Yet it is your essential nature, it's my 
essential nature, it's the essential nature of EVERYTHING.

But don't take my word for it.  Check for yourself.
Even though by speaking this way, I may be giving 
you expectations of what you will discover, try not 
to have any expectations of what you will discover.
Just be aware of being aware, that is all, and you may 
notice that awareness is so immediate that it precedes 
all thought, effortlessly, and that no thinking is 
necessary for there to be awareness.

Note to self: Stay with the "I am"

"Hold on to the sense of 'I am'
 to the exclusion of everything else."

" 'I am' is first-hand and needs no proofs.
   Stay with it."

"Be aware of being conscious and
 seek the source of consciousness. 
 That is all.  Very little can be conveyed in words. 
 It is the doing as I tell you 
 that will bring light, 
 not my telling you."

                   ~ Nisargadatta Maharaj


You have read or been told repeatedly
to stay with the feeling "I am", 
to just be aware of awareness itself
without thinking about it,
and to do this earnestly, with complete devotion.

But you don't follow that advice, for whatever reason.
You do not remain still long enough to follow that advice.
Just follow the advice you've been given!
You enquired, and so you were told.
Now I'm suggesting that you shut up and do it.
Be still, and just be aware of awareness itself,
without thinking or reasoning about it.
Thinking or reasoning about it is not necessary
and only serves as to distract you.

Still, we don't follow that advice.
Perhaps it's because awareness itself, not being
fully "seen" or recognized, seems to be too uninteresting
to hold our attention, at first glance, and we're easily 
drawn off into *thinking* about it, or some line of 
reasoning or another, thereby taking our eye off the target, 
so to speak, without even knowing it until much later.
We're just more interested in excercising our
ego-intellects with a myriad of philosophical 
concepts and questions, which are more entertaining
and ego-gratifying, moreso than simple awareness
of awareness itself, in which thought and the ego
have no role or necessary part in.  They constantly
re-appear to re-assert themselves, to be the one who 
serves up "awareness" and provide a wise analysis of it 
to boot.  All imagination.

Just be still, and notice this sense of I-AM-ness
that is reflected in your mind, and stay with it.  
That is all that is being pointed to.
Do you exist?  Are you aware?  
See how this is undoubtable.
This is the ONLY thing you know for certain, actually,
and it requires NO thinking or reasoning for it to be so.
Everything else is doubtable and debatable --
everything else -- because everything else consists
of thinking and reasoning, and awareness itself 
precedes that, totally untouched and unmoved by that.
Awareness itself is what is being point to.
Don't stay with the pointers, just go to where they point,
and stay there, silently.  All will then unfold by itself.
This is enough to go on.  

Have a good look

Have a good look at what's looking.

Have a good look at where you are seeing from.

Whatever you are, would have to be what's looking, 

where you are seeing from, your innermost being.

Awareness of the body and mental activity

makes it clear that awareness or whatever it is that is aware of that 

is not that.

You may notice that where you are seeing from, what's looking,

has a quality of presence and immediacy

or now-ness.

You may notice that where you are seeing from, what's looking,

has a quality of changelessness or stillness

while everything else is in constant motion.

Yet while it is clear that what sees is not whatever it sees,

whatever it sees is also not separate from what sees it.

The seer is not the seen, and the seer is not separate from the seen.

Or the seer is not any particular thing seen, the seer is EVERYthing seen.

It makes no sense, but that's okay, it doesn't have to make sense.

Not knowing what's really going on doesn't hurt anything.

A baby doesn't know what it's seeing, but it sees all the same.

----

Sense perceptions are locatable to a particular brain organ, 

but the awareness of the sense perceptions is not locatable,

what sees the seeing of the seen is not locatable.

Notice the difference between awareness and thinking about awareness.

Trace this awareness back to it's immediate source,

prior to any thoughts of it.  Keep looking in that direction.

How do we point to awareness?  Which direction is it?  Inward, perhaps.

Which is not to say that awareness is inside the brain.  

In your direct experience of awareness, 

does saying that it's inside the brain seem to help you find it?

Does it feel like awareness is inside or limited to your brain?

Have a good look.

Inward, or within, is not so much a direction or location,

but the opposite or turning away from any direction or location.

How does the inward turn in on itself?

How does the inward look anywhere but outward?

"The kingdom of heaven does not come with signs to be observed;

 Behold, the kingdom of heaven is within you."

"The kingdom of heaven is at hand. 

 Repent, and believe the good news."  *

      

      * Repent can be taken to mean turn away or turn around, from outward to inward.